Finally! Cupcakes are "IN" for '08.. now we can all get fat again!

Can someone please explain to me where these declarations of "In & Out" are coming from? After every celebration of the new year, it seems a secret gathering of pop-culture gnomes, emerging from the lawns of Hollywood trend-setters, assemble to decide what should be 'cool' this year is that word 'out' now? and what should be tossed in the recycling bin. And, I say "recycling bin" (instead of trash), because it seems there haven't really been any 'new trends' in the past decade or so. Every time I turn my head, they decide to bring back something that was swept under the rug by a previous generation. We've seen the return of bell-bottom jeans, aviator sunglasses, knee-high socks, khaki and cargo pants over the years, to name a few. Why do we still call them 'designers' if they're not really designing anything? The lack of creativity in Hollywood isn't surprising though. Look at television for instance.. the past decade has been ruled by reality shows that write themselves. Lets put a bunch of people on an island and let them run around all day, then take credit for it. Idiots. Even sweater-vests à la Mr. Rogers are back for 2008. At least you'll finally mean it when you say, "Thanks for the sweater Grandma!"

The latest mind-boggler, and this one just makes me wonder how stupid of a species we are, the 'powers that be' have declared that cupcakes are back in and muffins are OUT! Cupcakes? They're a food dammit! You can't tell me that a certain food is in or out. If you feel like eating something.. you eat it! Still, everywhere you look there are advertisements for cupcakes. I've seen them popping up in the glass display cases of every coffee shop in town and its frustrating. I mean, to me there's nothing weirder than seeing LeBron James or Tom Brady carefully handling an elaborately decorated, cherry-topped cupcake with two fingers in a Dunkin Donuts commercial. Cupcakes are not man food! And, if you're telling me I can't go to my favorite coffee shop and find a wide variety of healthy muffins like I used to because cupcakes are in and they've reduced their muffin supply to make room for these sugar-loaded delicacies, I'm going to lose it. As a matter of fact, I can't WAIT for someone to pass me in the street as I take a bite out of my carrot-bran muffin and whisper, "Oh my God, look.. he's eating a muffin!"

What happened to this whole wave of healthy eating we just went through? The past few years have been about heart-healthy foods, eating organic, cutting out trans fats, carbs and sugars. All of a sudden, we're throwing it all out the window and welcoming back these fancy, over-topped sugar pills called cupcakes. Does that mean they're going to make us throw out our George Foreman grills and juicers to readopt deep-fryers and ice cream makers? "I guarantee it!"

Are we that shallow and gullible as a society that we can't decide for ourselves what to eat and what to wear? For once, I'd like to be on the Board of Directors for this hidden organization of dictating pop-culture gnomes. To have that much power over the world would make it a cinch to achieve peace and happiness. You'd figure they would use their mind-control for the greater good, but of course that's never been the goal. The only reason the "In & Out" exists, much like everything else in this world, is to create an avenue for the industries to take even more of your hard-earned money. Why don't they suggest something useful for once like 'smoking is out' for example? Oh, I forgot.. we can't tell the public that smoking is not cool, because then the tobacco companies would pull their sponsorships from major events like the Montreal Jazz Festival and the Canadian Grand Prix. Are you catching on yet?

Here are MY trend-setters for 2009:

IN:
- World Peace
- Charity/Generosity
- Self-Respect
- Creativity
- Parks/Green Space
- Electric-Powered Cars
- Wind Energy
- Fixed-Rate Interest

OUT:
- War
- Guns/Tasers
- Murder/Rape
- Smoking
- Celebrities
- Designer Clothing
- Rising Oil Prices
- Compound Interest

There, I just saved the world.. your welcome and good night!